I Dare You

Susan Deitz
Wed, 14 Jan 2026 21:00:00 -0800
Lifestyle

Ready for some dares that just might tickle your brain? Well, for openers, I dare you to plan your free time without leaving spaces for possible dates.

I dare you to regard Saturday night — that holy of holies — as merely one-seventh of the week. Nothing special. (Beginning to get my point?)

I dare you to plan the week ahead as a unit. Pencil in at least two nights for staying home, for paying bills and catching up on your reading and doing those chores you always put off. Save a couple of nights for friends and maybe, just maybe, one night for that big project you're working on.
Updated: Wed Jan 21, 2026

Ready for some dares that just might tickle your brain? Well, for openers, I dare you to plan your free time without leaving spaces for possible dates.

I dare you to regard Saturday night — that holy of holies — as merely one-seventh of the week. Nothing special. (Beginning to get my point?)

I dare you to plan the week ahead as a unit. Pencil in at least two nights for staying home, for paying bills and catching up on your reading and doing those chores you always put off. Save a couple of nights for friends and maybe, just maybe, one night for that big project you're working on.

I dare you to phone friends, male and female, and plan weekend brunches and suppers — with the same equanimity as weeknight dinners. (Get my drift?)

I dare you to invite your mom for dinner on Saturday night. (Gasp!) Take her to the best restaurant you can afford. (Yes, you're going to insist on paying.) Or cook at home. If you go out, I can see the two of you dressed to the nines and flaunting your togetherness in front of the coupled geese, who will envy your poise, your company and most especially your courage to be soaring eagles, unafraid to stand out from the crowd.

These challenges don't mean you stop seeing men, but they do put a damper on mindless dating. Most importantly, it is the end of those ancient attitudes that only blind you to the pleasures of being single. Think about it, friend: It makes no sense for a woman who struggles for liberation during the week to willingly shackle herself to only date-related activities on the weekend. You need to consider your nonworking time as usable in other ways. My hunch is that for some time now, you've felt more than a little silly waiting for some nice man to call or text you. And when you stop to realize that nice fellow means next to nothing in your life, the waiting changes from ridiculous to absurd.

Once you dare to see dating differently, a whole new world opens for you. Time expands. Suddenly, you realize that weekends have six segments — two mornings, two afternoons and two evenings, all of them equally important and all yours to fill as you see fit. And each segment stands on its own — which means no Saturday afternoons getting ready for Saturday night and no more "getting through" Sunday morning after a Saturday night letdown. Every hour is at your disposal.

Also, the number of men in your life increases once you see dating differently. (Care to read that again?) It's true. Restricting your sights to the supposedly eligible only narrows the number of men in your life, whereas looking beyond romantic potential widens the field of possibilities. (And you know how I feel about that.) As you work on being friends with the other sex, you'll discover new prospects — prospects for friendship, that is. Married men, older men, less attractive types, friends of friends, former lovers and former husbands — if you've been especially clever at handling the finale — will all at once become emotionally available because you're now sending signals that you're approachable. And who knows? With your new openness and their new eligibility, something quite new (and nice) could develop.

But that's not the object of the exercise. Your goal is to stretch your mind as an actor stretches for a new role. And this can become a lifelong philosophy. Once you insist on being friends first, you won't ever go back to the old guidelines. Promise.