Male-Bashing -- How to Recognize and Avoid It

Susan Deitz
Wed, 28 Jan 2026 21:00:00 -0800
Lifestyle

One day soon, in the middle of male-bashing with friends, you're going to discover that you're not participating as enthusiastically as the rest. When that happens, I hope you pat yourself on the back and think of me. It was the exercises of self-exploration in this column that you used to strengthen yourself and become abler to give yourself fulfillment, a giant leap forward in the journey away from man-dependency. And as you move away from needing men as saviors, they will look more and more like good guys — which most of them are — and you'll be able to relate to them as friends.

Your growth is causing a shower of benefits, pre-eminent among them the whittling down of gratuitous anger toward the male. Yes, I know that men are pretty angry with us, too, for real — and unreal — reasons. But as you and I have agreed, you can change only yourself, because the need to change must come from inside. My sense is that men take their cue from us women and that if we soften, they will follow. As hard as you and I have worked to reach this point, let's remove all the stumbling blocks. Gratuitous anger is certainly a big one.

Maybe a man ran out on you years ago and you're still smarting. Or maybe you haven't recovered from being forced to stand by and watch a man be promoted to a career spot you deserved. Whatever its source, anger is nothing to ignore; like the hiccups, it keeps coming back. Unlike the case with hiccups, though, there are some pretty reliable ways of resolving it.
Updated: Wed Feb 04, 2026

One day soon, in the middle of male-bashing with friends, you're going to discover that you're not participating as enthusiastically as the rest. When that happens, I hope you pat yourself on the back and think of me. It was the exercises of self-exploration in this column that you used to strengthen yourself and become abler to give yourself fulfillment, a giant leap forward in the journey away from man-dependency. And as you move away from needing men as saviors, they will look more and more like good guys — which most of them are — and you'll be able to relate to them as friends.

Your growth is causing a shower of benefits, pre-eminent among them the whittling down of gratuitous anger toward the male. Yes, I know that men are pretty angry with us, too, for real — and unreal — reasons. But as you and I have agreed, you can change only yourself, because the need to change must come from inside. My sense is that men take their cue from us women and that if we soften, they will follow. As hard as you and I have worked to reach this point, let's remove all the stumbling blocks. Gratuitous anger is certainly a big one.

Maybe a man ran out on you years ago and you're still smarting. Or maybe you haven't recovered from being forced to stand by and watch a man be promoted to a career spot you deserved. Whatever its source, anger is nothing to ignore; like the hiccups, it keeps coming back. Unlike the case with hiccups, though, there are some pretty reliable ways of resolving it.

Here's why you don't have to be angry with men anymore. You've begun to see that men don't have such a great deal. Besides, you don't have the time or the energy. You have other important things to do. (And some of your best friends are men!) You work with men every day and see too many of their human foibles to condemn them as a group. On the lighter side, seething doesn't help your blood pressure, and frowning is definitely a no-no for wrinkles.

And now that you're getting your own life the way you want it to be, anger doesn't seem necessary. Looking back, you realize that some of the problems you've had with the male animal have been at least partially your responsibility. And besides, you realize that a bad attitude about men will prevent you from ever getting close to them.

In short, you have too much going for you now to let an undigested lump of ill feeling stand between you and progress. Now's the time to start bending your sword into a friendlier tone.